Using a dating app has its advantages, but it also has its disadvantages as not every user will be honest. That’s why you really cannot be sure someone is single, especially if you inject an element of distrust in all your dating experiences through unnecessary suspicion and doubt. However, there is something you can do that will help you much more to feel confident in your interactions, and that is to: take the focus off others and put it on yourself, so that you are sure of what YOU are doing. It will encourage only the right people to come towards you.

A 19th century author, James Allen, once wrote: “Men don’t attract what they seek. They attract who they are.” Simply put, if you wish to attract trustworthy people, you have to be one too, and your own profile words will have to indicate that. For example, you cannot say that you are seeking someone single, then react to every beautiful woman (or whatever criterion pushes your buttons) who says hello to you, without being too discerning! You have to live by whatever you write, so that it matches with your integrity, and it will draw the right people to you.

For example, when I was dating, I spelled it out in my online profile, exactly what I was seeking, and then proceeded to avoid anyone who put ‘separated’ (their wives might not know that they are!), who were looking for ‘fun’ (as though there is no fun in serious relationships), who seemed restricted in their movements or times (particularly on weekends when they should be free), who were reluctant to meet, and just wished to email endlessly, and people who had no photos. What were they hiding? Why were they on a dating site if they couldn’t show themselves? And, finally, people who had very little on their profiles, seeming to be economical with the truth, or just inarticulate.

In fact, I remember a few guys actually contacting me to say that my profile was ‘intimidating’, and would put off many men, meaning it would put them off, exactly the type I didn’t want! I ended up getting guys who liked what I wrote and were genuinely interested in me, and met some amazing people, among them my current partner.

The key thing about using dating apps or sites is to make sure that what YOU say reflects who you are, and what you seek. By sticking to your principles, the people who like what they read will come towards you, and the ones who don’t like it will continue on their way. But by being certain of what you are seeking and not deviating too far from it, you will be able to spot those who don’t match what you seek more easily, including the insincere and attached ones.

RELATED BOOK: 7 Steps to Finding, and Keeping, ‘The One’