If a couple is serious about each other, to the extent of desiring long term commitment, communication is of the essence before marriage tor setting up home together.
There should be no taboo topics before people get married because the act of discussing personal preferences actually show the personalties and priorities of the two people involved. However, there are five major topics of discussion that need to be aired to assess personal preferences and mutual alignment:
- How you feel about having children. You would both need to ensure you have the same perspective on this issue, otherwise one person is going to be very disappointed later on if the desires are different.
- How the finances are going to managed. For example, will you both still keep your individual accounts while creating a joint new account for household expenditure? (which is the best way). Everyone has their own way of dealing with money within a relationship, hence why it is important to have a mutually agreed approach to this, not have any guesswork on it. That only leads to resentment and accusations.
- Leisure preferences. Do you both like doing the same things, or have different likes in leisure activities? This is an important aspect because couples stay together through what they SHARE with each other. While there should be space for each party to continue their self-development in independent ways, knowing the leisure preferences beforehand will make for a more enjoyable time for both, and keep resentment at bay, especially when money has to be allocated to any activity.
- The personal priorities you will have for the home after marriage. It means you will both be agreeing on what is most important to start your lives together when you settle down, and will avoid conflicts in choice and perspectives from the beginning. For example, would it be careers or family first?
- How the in-laws will be managed to avoid undue interference. Often parents can affect the state of a relationship just by their presence, thoughtlessness, or keenness to see things done their way, instead of leaving it to the couple. This needs to be discussed as early as possible so that both parties can feel comfortable with each other’s relatives.
If the answers to these five issues are agreed beforehand, everything else should flow more smoothly from them. Above all, they should provide the couple with a strong and secure starting point for their relationship, based on mutual agreement, understanding and personal appreciation.
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