What Happens When We Love Someone More Than They Love Us?

Image by Michaela

Everyone has the right to love whomever, and at whatever time, in their life. But love doesn’t start with someone else. It starts inside of us, loving ourselves. If you love someone ‘to the extreme’, you are actually wanting their love to compensate for the lack of love you feel for yourself, and they would find it off-putting. They would actually feel burdened by such emotional responsibility.

When we truly love and appreciate who we are, we do not love anyone else more than we love ourselves. We meet them half way. By loving someone too much, it carries the message that their love is more important than yours, and you have to hang on to it at all costs. Furthermore, the less you love yourself and love someone too much, the less attractive and appealing you will be, because that person will eventually feel claustrophobic with your constant attentions.

It also carries the risk that when that person stops loving you, your world will fall apart, because you have depended on them so much for their presence and affection, it will be difficult to let go. You would have done nothing to provide a strong emotional base for yourself, should the relationship fail, which would make any breakdown unbearable and the hurt indescribable.

Everything in life that is most enjoyable and affirming is done in moderation. The best way to love and be loved is to begin by learning to love, appreciate and to value yourself. You would then be strong and confident enough to leave or take someone else’s attention. Their love would enhance yours, not be a substitute for it. You won’t need their approval or love to feel great because you are already great without them. Most important, you will also be able to reinforce yourself when things don’t work out.

If someone doesn’t love you or want you, they are giving you a powerful message of choice and you should respect that. To still want to ‘love’ that person is to imply that you are not good enough for anyone else, or you won’t be able to find someone else. Yet you only belittle yourself in the process because you will continually feel inadequate and unhappy. You also stop yourself from meeting others by hanging back in the past feeling rejected, which makes you even less appealing.

Love is something we have to give every moment of the day, every day of our lives. It is not restricted to one person or situation. However, it starts within us through self-love, confidence and self-value. Once we have that fully developed, our capacity to love others is abundant, while at the same time keeping our distance from being too possessive or clingy. In fact, we will then have the assurance to pick and choose our mates and to readily say, ‘NEXT!’ when it doesn’t work out as expected.

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