A. Personally, I believe any kind of online relationship which involves attraction, no matter how platonic, should be regarded as cheating, especially if the partner/spouse is not aware of it. Many people are tempted to believe that because they might never meet the online date, or they are not being intimate, that does not count as cheating, but the intent to deceive has three distinct parts.

First, there is INTENTION. The moment we have the intention to quietly seek out someone else behind and talk to them on our own, we have an intention which is not in the other party’s interest ,or for the wellbeing of the relationship. It doesn’t matter if we haven’t acted on it yet, we still intend to deceive, for whatever reason, one that will benefit only us and no one else. Otherwise we would involve our partners in it.

Second, is the DECISION. From simple intention follows the decision to either leave it as a thought, or carry it out. In most cases it soon becomes a fact because of the ease of finding willing parties to engage in illicit liaisons, the total anonymity of such connections and the discreet way they can be maintained without partners finding out, thanks to technology. Once a decision is taken to proceed, that is the most dangerous time because of the potential for damage to the current relationship. The die is cast and the next stage tends to follow.

Third, is ACTION. Once that decision has been made, action follows swiftly. It really doesn’t matter the nature of the action, whether sex is involved or not, it is likely to lead to intimacy, especially where the parties have that as an objective. Whether the two people ever meet is beside the point, there is some cheating taking place.

Often many people believe that so long as there is no physicality in it, then they are having ‘harmless fun’. But there is nothing harmless about dallying with a potential date because either party can progress that friendship depending on their objective. A person would be kidding himself if he said he was ‘happy’ in his current relationship yet is still seeking diversions without their partner’s knowledge. The key point here is that if someone is really happy at home with what they have they won’t care about hooking up with someone else for anything, unless it is a mutual friend they can share with their partner, too. If that is not the case, they are simply pleasing themselves, without any thought for how it might affect their spouse, and that has no other name than cheating.

For me, once I have a partner, he comes first. I might have professional friends and colleagues but they would not be hidden from him. The minute I seek someone else for attention and otherwise, no matter how innocent it might seem, I would be crossing a different line which would put the relationship at risk. The bottom line is that any attention given to someone else online is transferring my emotions away from the one I love, not towards them, and that could have unforeseen consequences!

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