Is Real Beauty on The Outside or Inside of Us?

Image by Nathanel Love

This is a question that has occupied everyone since the dawn of time. Most people will immediately say yes, it does’, as external beauty is superficial. But this is not quite true as all facets of a person should be taken into account. After all, how do you get to appreciate what is inside that person, the real personality, if you don’t really like what’s outside? 

Thus anyone who says that external beauty doesn’t matter is likely to be lying. If they are not, the statement has an association with how they view themselves and their own experience. It suggests they do not consider themselves to be any great ‘beauty’ so they are hoping people will ignore their physicality to concentrate on the inner person. But there is some conflict with this approach.

First, until we open our mouths and speak, nature has only one way of bringing people together: their looks. Thus the whole process starts with whether someone’s physical appearance appeals to us in any way for us to take it further and discover more about them. Then it moves to voice, then personality and finally the whole person. Yes, we have to have that inner beauty of warmth, compassion and care. But we cannot know anything about someone’s inner beauty until we make physical contact and it is the OUTER beauty that decides the fate of the connection before anything else. So, when someone says that looks don’t matter and it is only the inner being that should count, they might as well date a horse, because for them, only what’s inside that matters!

Men, in particular, tend to go for looks first. Do they miss the right partners because of that? Or is it impossible to see anything other than what is presented externally until we know that person very well? That could be why some insecure people move from one ‘trophy’ partner to another. All they see is the outward appearance: the perceived beauty, but not the brains, moods or emotional hang-ups. Yet it takes other important personal qualities for the two people to be compatible. An absence of other inner attributes like empathy, warmth and care, might be fine in the short term but usually spells long-term disaster.

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