Basically, many of us are unhappy with ourselves because of a futile wish to be ‘perfect’. We mustn’t have a blemish, the wrong shape in anything, be thought of as different. But achieving such perfection is not only useless, but impossible, especally as each of us is perfect as we are. that’s what makes us unique: BOTH our strengths and perceived weaknesses.

So how can you be happier with you? mainly by not comparing yourself to others, not focusing on what you THINK you lack, or trying to be perfect.

You are not happy with yourself perhaps because of how you have been treated since childhood. If you have not had the affirmation, reinforcement and value you seek from those you care about, you start believing that something is wrong with you and you have to act in a certain way to win their approval, instead of accepting who you are. Furthermore, if the relationships you have had as an adult have not reinforced you either, or you have been disappointed in love, that would confirm the low self esteem you have, and make you feel inadequate. It is very hard to be happy with yourself at such times, especially when you see others who seem happier than you, and you feel so imperfect.

When we are unhappy with ourselves, that projects on to others, too. We become unhappy with them as well because we cannot give away what you haven’t got. You have no self-love, so you cannot genuinely love and appreciate anyone else, either, which makes you appear self-focused, selfish and uncaring, because you are seldom likely to appreciate anything or anyone in your life enough. You are always striving for something else to feel good. Yet you cannot be happy unless you start with self-appreciation.

Time to start valuing who you are: your faculties, your blessings, and the people who care for you. These three key tips should be useful:

• Start allowing your weaknesses by focusing on your strengths and building those up.
• Stop beating yourself up every time you have a disappointment or things don’t go as expected, and view setbacks as a natural part of your learning, growth and development.
• Stop focusing on what you might not have and appreciate what you do, and others might be able to appreciate you, too.

The tragedy of not being happy with yourself is that your constant discontent will make others you associate with uneasy around you. No one will ever satisfy you either, because, quite simply, no one can love what you reject, or treat you better than you treat yourself!

Perhaps my book, The New Theory of Confidence, might be of some value?

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