(Excerpt from: THE PLEASURES AND PITFALLS OF ONLINE DATING!
As mentioned before, men appear to complain a lot on dating sites out of sheer frustration caused mainly by a mismatch of the reality with their optimistic expectations: such as frustration in finding dates, having women respond to them, having undeveloped communication, being constantly blocked, and not finding someone to match them.
However, one thing many guys are forgetting is this: If you are walking down the street and 500 people are heading towards you, chances are that you will fancy probably ONE of that whole group, or perhaps none. This is no different with the Internet. Just because a lot of people gather in one place doesn’t mean one will instantly find a partner. It takes an awful lot of patient searching and talking to others to finally reach someone who might fit the bill. In bygone days, when travel was not so common, and networking didn’t exist, people were limited to their towns and villages and had to take what they could find, hence the many failed and unhappy marriages of yesteryear because people were mismatched. Today, everyone has to do their own work in finding that partner as all the usual community avenues are closed.
However, forgetting that aspect, the main reason why many men are not getting much back is because they don’t know what they want! Thus they wouldn’t recognise it if it got up and whacked them across the cheeks. Many men (and women) approach dating sites with what I call the ‘candy shop’ syndrome. “There are LOTS of sweets, so which one shall I choose?” Being so excited, they forget that some sweets can make them ill, but they still choose randomly without a thought, because many have this IDEAL in their heads that does not match the reality of who they are and what they want. They are foiled every time because the women they seek cannot align with the guys they see, so the ideal cannot become reality.
The first law of getting to know someone else is to know who we are. When we live in denial about our bodies (like our height or weight), what we like, or what makes us tick and when we are willing to compromise what we value for expediency, it is difficult to attract someone who is honest. We will just keep attracting others in denial, too. Not surprisingly, things do not get off the ground, or they go pear-shaped soon afterwards.
For example, when I was dating, the number of men who didn’t bother to read my profile, simply went by my pictures and then raced towards me was pretty sad. They then became annoyed if I didn’t respond favourably. I guess that is what was happening to many other women: unsuitable men believing that just because they fancy a woman, she must fancy them in return!
The Law of Attraction
Dating sites work by the Law of Attraction. You will attract who you are, whether honest or lying, well-meaning or superficial. If you are attracting a certain type, YOUR persona and actions are drawing them to you, perhaps because you are not being transparent, you have not made your expectations clear, perhaps settling for anything, being possibly in denial about who you are, or behaving like they do.
I know that women perhaps have it easier on dating sites, but I had the reverse problem to the men: too much attention and offers of dates! And I really didn’t think it was just because I was a woman. I know I am good looking too (and was also in my 50s, which should have stopped a lot of ageist men!). But, my secret of success was that I knew what made me happy (like my dancing), and didn’t go there if I didn’t see any mention of it. If I have any doubts at all, I didn’t let a round peg fit a square hole! I swiftly moved on to someone else.
It meant I had mainly pleasurable contacts, I was always courteous with a reply, I tried not to whinge about anything and, if one approach wasn’t working, I quickly tried something else to widen my search pool and the number of potential contacts. As they say, only an insane person keeps doing things exactly the same way and expects different results, so I regularly reviewed my situation! Make sure your profile and actions are clear. Will you settle for anything, in your need for attention, or do you know who you are, or the main things you want? If you don’t, sadly, someone else will always set the agenda for you, and leave you feeling disappointed, frustrated and unhappy.