Broken hearts are mainly caused by unfulfilment of expectations coupled with low self-esteem. Often we think so low of ourselves, we put our whole life in the hands of one person to get ‘happiness’ and when that happiness is withdrawn, the pain of losing it is too much to bear. We meet someone, we like them a lot, we come to trust them and believe in them, then start to weave our dreams and life around them, too. When they fail to conform to those expectations, we are often hugely disappointed and devastated.
It is natural to feel some loss when a relationship breaks up. But any break that causes us to feel really badly about ourselves, and lasts for too long, is self-inflicted. If we really love and value ourselves, everything in life – whether happiness or heartache – becomes part of our natural routine, nothing extraordinary, because life has two natural sides: good and bad, up and down, birth and death. We can’t have one without the other. Most of all nothing lasts forever. Everything is temporary. Accepting that fact is an important part of loving someone.
To mend a broken heart and restore your self-esteem has five stages:
First, take time out for you, while you slowly detach yourself from your lover. Often the hurt is prolonged because you still keep yourself in their orbit. Do NOT continue to be ‘friends’ until the hurt stops and you feel better. Make a complete detachment otherwise you will be constantly reminded of the situation, especially at the early vulnerable stage when the pain is worst.
Second, accept responsibility for your part in the break-up. Nothing is ever one-sided and only blaming the other person merely prolongs the pain. By acknowledging and addressing your part in the process, the grievance will be lessened even quicker because you won’t just be simply judging your mate on his/her actions, you will be addressing the quality of the relationship between you. The moment you put bitterness, resentment and anger above forgiveness or compassion is the minute your prolong your pain and agony, because all you will be thinking about are negative things that will make you feel even more inadequate and crappy.
Speeding up the Healing Process
Third, reinforce your self-love because you will feel unwanted and undesirable at this time, hence why you feel less ‘worthy’. It is easy to believe that no one will want you anymore, that you are no longer attractive and you will not find another relationship like that. But to love and be loved, you have to love yourself first. You cannot give away love if you have none for yourself. Nurturing your self-love is crucial to mending a broken heart quickly because you will chalk it up to experience. It also takes the focus off partners and puts it squarely on yourself. That tends to speed up the healing process and re-affirm your esteem and worthiness.
Fourth, accept the situation as a natural part of the pleasure/pain cycle of life, important for teaching us lessons we need later on to live our life satisfactorily and to build our resilience. Life consists of both pain and love, manifested through death and rebirth, being two sides of the same coin. The love is there to nourish and sustain us while the pain helps us to develop our experiences and to face our challenges with resilience and new knowledge. It is best to learn the lessons they give and move on without grieving too long, knowing that there is likely to be someone even better and more deserving of you in the future.
Fifth, remind yourself daily of your natural appeal and value and do not judge the rest of your existence by this ONE occasion. Moving on is most important. Just because someone is not keen on you does not mean your value is any less in everyone else’s eyes. Your life is a journey, made up of numerous experiences, not based on one particular event.
There is ALWAYS a good reason behind why someone isn’t right for you. It’s just that you cannot see it at the time. Use rejection as a lesson in finding the right partner and move on to a more fulfilling experience. If you really love yourself, you won’t really care about another person’s actions. You will be thankful for the moment, looking ahead positively, without living in regrets or in the past – and feeling much better for it, too.