Should You Quit Your Boring Job To Pursue Your Dream?

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No doubt, tons of people ask themselves this question when they are passionate about an activity and can see its potential, but they also fear losing what they have to pursue that nebulous dream, even if the job is boring and unfulfilling. It is not an easy question to answer, especially when one has to be practical on financial matters. After all, the current climate is not good for new creations. if we take the UK as an example. In the first quarter of this year, according to the Office for National Statistics, over 137,000 businesses closed – that’s a whopping 23% up on the same period in 2021. During that time, the same number of new businesses were created as the year before, showing clearly the effect of the pandemic on existing businesses.

However, despite the grim figures, quitting your job depends on one main factor: the self-belief in your own success. We so badly want to succeed in our dream and vision, but that little self-belief, and any obvious obstacles to making it work, set up the doubts. This makes us hang on to the mundane job because we need something to pay the bills, not fully committing to it, yet not fully believing in our dream either.

In the end, neither of them is likely to work because neither is getting the full attention each deserves. We only keep getting more frustrated with the job, while the road to our goal keeps faltering, and nothing much is achieved in the end. If we truly believe in our dream, we should give up our mundane job and pursue it fully, so that it gets a real chance of coming alive.

This post reminds me of when I was in teaching and wanted to leave it to write. But teaching paid my bills, and I did enjoy it, too. I just loved writing more. I started off as a freelance writer but that did not satisfy me after a while, neither did it give much money. One day I worked out how long the savings I had would last me before I needed another job (4 months!) and then gave up my teaching position, decided to open my own magazine in Britain, and made history doing it as the first Back woman to ow a national education publication. 

It was no easy task, by any means. But despite some hardships along the way, I have never regretted my decision because it led to many other unforeseen achievements and accolades – like pioneering a national awards in people management that influenced thousands of businesses in the UK. Above all, it made me extremely happy and contented! The important thing is that I believed in myself and what I wanted to do, and felt that it would be successful financially. In fact, 10 years after I closed it I was amazed to still get a sizeable cheque for royalties from the magazine that was still being photocopied by educational establishments in other parts f the world! 

The interesting fact is that becoming a writer has never made me a lot of money, but it developed my skills as a public speaker (which gave me the money!), motivator and empowerment expert which affected the lives of thousands; it led me to be a pioneer in my expertise in the UK, hence the national awards, and showed me my purpose in life. I haven’t looked back since.

If you BELIEVE In what you are doing, and can visualise its outcome, you will make it happen. You just need to take that first steps which will show you the next steps to follow, and trust you own judgement and ability. 



PREMIUM: How Successful Could You Be? The 7 Attributes of The Highest Achievers

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Success is clearly one of the values we most cherish: in essence, to take advantage of opportunities that present themselves, in order to make something of our lives we can be proud of; something that we can look back on with joy and satisfaction, and even bequeath to the world as our own individual contribution. But what really makes a successful person in whatever strand of life one chooses? What makes such a person different from one who has had problems in achieving their desires? What is the key to turning those desires into reality?

If we study the lives of many millionaires, and those whose dreams have materialised to their satisfaction, certain qualities stand out above others. It seems there are seven key attributes that are important for real success, and they occur in the following order:

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QUIZ: How Confident Are You? Test Your Level of Self-Assurance

As many people do not understand Confidence, they often mistakenly believe that they are confident, or that they can get confident in an instant if they are feeling fearful or anxious. But Confidence does not work like that. It is a permanent emotion that is the greatest asset we can have – the powerful feeling of being capable and courageous.

In essence, we cannot fake Confidence, or conjure it up from nowhere. That is why instant remedies about how we can boost Confidence seldom work because we have to understand the concept first, before we can appreciate how it affects us, and how it can be utilised to the fullest advantage.

For an explanation of what Confidence is, click here.

NOTE: To test your own Confidence Level, complete the Quiz below. You will be sent your score and a brief explanation of what the score means. If you are low in Confidence, you can request a personal in-depth assessment for a Donation above $12, and effective remedies for boosting it, by contacting for more information.

Are The Powerful In Business And Society The Most Able And Qualified?

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Yes, and No. There is never a clear cut answer to questions like this because every situation is different. But in business, in particular, you can expect to see four types of merit, the higher up you go in the hierarchy:

  1. People who are skilled and qualified for their role. They would have worked their way up through the business, or already possess the experience and authority for their role. The key thing is that they got little outside help except through their own endeavours and impressing those who can advance them.
  2. Those who have benefited from tradition, inheritance and nepotism. They would include the children/relatives of the business owner, especially an enterprise that has been established for many years and passed down through inheritance to continue the family name, or to keep it in the family, like the Murdochs, the media magnates. It is difficult for outsiders to have real power in those businesses.
  3. Those who have benefited from gender/racial or any other kindred privilege. People tend to recruit in their own image and likeness, especially men who recruit other men which indirectly keep women out. We tend to employ people we feel comfortable with, and in the majority of cases, they tend to look and act like the employer! It means there are lots of people in power who are there by virtue of their colour and gender, and not necessarily through merit or qualifications.
  4. People who have benefited from exclusive groups like the ‘Old Boys’ networks. Wherever there is power, there will be groups that are determined to keep that power among themselves so that only certain people are accepted as suitable to hold such positions, like people who share the same college, university, sports team etc. All the privileged opportunities tend to be passed by word of mouth instead of being publicised, which ensures that only people of the same ilk enjoy the power and privilege of high status.

The Most Effective Unspoken Rule of Success

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Quite simply, it is Self-Belief.

No matter what you attempt in life, if you only partly-believe you can do it, you are operating on only 50% of your capacity and you won’t be able to really give it the action, determination and commitment it deserves. You will always be plagued with doubts about your capacity to achieve what you want.

Belief is the bedrock of success. The famous ,successful American car maker, Henry Ford, once said: “If you believe you cam, or if you believe you can’t, you’re right on both counts.” If you do not believe you can, you simply won’t. Why? Because everything you do, the way you perceive others, approach situations, and the way you act, will confirm your belief that you will fail.

For example, you wish to start a business but don’t believe it will be successful because you need a loan to launch it. You don’t believe the bank manager will give you the loan, or you won’t get enough money from an investor either. That belief will prevent you from appearing prepared, committed, capable and professional to impress the bank or investor. You might sound convincing to them to some degree, but you won’t sound passionate about your idea or capability because you truly don’t believe it yourself. And if you don’t believe your own aspiration, why should anyone else believe its potential, either?

No matter what you are doing – whether applying for a job, for a promotion, starting a business, taking part in a competitive event or simply achieving a cherished goal, belief is where you have to start – the strongest acceptance that you can do it. Belief is the foundation of success, and if it is not there, everything else is unlikely to materialise, too.

Self-belief controls your level of confidence and self-esteem. It also means that if you have a high belief in your abilities, you are going to deal with problems and setbacks in a much more positive way – focusing on answers than just problems – than someone with little self-belief and a great deal of fear. Nothing is ever exactly as we want it, but our confidence will do much to shape our circumstances to our own satisfaction, and this confidence comes from personal power: the power of self belief and faith in our dreams and potential to achieve them.

How Prepared Are You For Success?

This book should show you you your personal potential and what might be holding you back.

What is The Real Value of Self-Help Books?

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There are thousands of books and oceans of internet information available on how to help one’s self and resolve personal problems. The self-help market is booming as many people try to make sense of how they feel, to improve their mental health, attempt to get their life on track, or to simply boost their opportunities for success. But for others (particularly men), self-help books have not really worked, perhaps because of the sceptical way they view such books. 

In fact, research on the sales of self-help books has revealed that 70% of women read them, compared to only 30% of men! It means that one section of our community is always being more self-aware than the other, which is bound to cause mismatches in perception and expectations, especially on gender lines. Erroneously, many people are inclined to believe that, if they are using a ‘self-help’ book, they must have some ‘problems’ which they need to sort out. They perhaps cannot afford professional counselling and turn to cheaper options. While that may be true of some people with that perspective, they are not likely to get the full benefit of what they are reading because they have already limited the validity, scope and effect of the material.

Self-help is not about merely dealing with problems you might be encountering. That’s just one part of the overall use of such books. The real meaning of self-help is discovering potential and possibilities for yourself; to find out what you are capable of, how you might be limiting that potential with narrow beliefs, attitudes and approaches, and how you can make the best use of those possibilities to achieve whatever it is you yearn for.

The key thing to note is that utilising any kind of self-help material suggests that the person does not accept everything about their life as given. He/she makes a conscious decision not to be a hostage to their genes, their past or their environment. They will decide how their life will unfold and the best way to do that. They will not simply conform to expectations or predictions of what they should or ought to do with their life. They accept that life has its difficulties, its ups and downs, but they refuse to be constrained by them or dictated to by specific situations. They need objective answers in helping them to expand their knowledge and to reinforce their direction, and self-help books are essential in this regard. As author Tom Butler-Bowdon (50 Self-Help Classics) pointed out, self-help books, “can reveal your unique course in life, form a bridge between fear and happiness or simply inspire you to be a better person”.

It means that self-help books are not really about dealing with personal problems, per se, but are the key to educating you about your potential, especially regarding a way of life which enables you to make a difference to both yourself and your world. In that way you not only transform the way you think, and how others perceive you, but you also transform your future, all by yourself, and in the most effective way you see fit.


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Why Do Some People Prefer to Hate Others? Lessons in Life Podcast

At some point many of us have wondered why some people seem so hateful towards others, and without reason too, especially on social media where users are likely to be strangers. In fact, some people take delight in treating others badly, for the sake of it, when a little bit of kindness and care could go a long way. Elaine explores roots of this sad situation, putting forward her own reasons for such negative form of behaviour. IF YOU FOUND THIS EPISODE USEFUL….SUBSCRIBE to Lessons in Life podcast on Anchor for more topics that could be of value to your situation or dilemma. For example: Feel Happy or Sad Today? There's an Important Reason For Your Mood My Low Self-Esteem is Holding me Back. How Can I Change it? Motivating Yourself After a Setback, or Failure The Key Causes of Racism How a Mismatch of Perception Affects Our Behaviour Follow Elaine on Twitter @ESiheraESC for new podcast alerts. #podcast #hater #bullying #elainesihera #lifestyle #wellbeingcafe #harassment
  1. Why Do Some People Prefer to Hate Others?
  2. Do You Embrace The Ageing Process or Dread It?
  3. Four Key Questions To Ask Yourself When Starting A New Relationship
  4. 6 Empowering Ways to Start Your Day
  5. 5 Questions That Determine Your Values And Ultimate Success

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What’s The Value Of An Apology? Will Smith Found Out!

Will Smith’s Apology Video

Will Smith recently made a fulsome YouTube apology to Chris Rock for the humiliating slap he meted out to the comedian on the night of the 2022 Academy Awards. That slap eclipsed so many people’s achievements, very few of us would realise what an amazing event it was for women and diverse talent. 

For a start, Jessica Chastain won Best Actress for The Eyes of Tammy Faye. Another woman (Jane Campion) bested the men as Best Director; a groundbreaking, film (CODA), remarkable for its cast of deaf actors, won Best Picture, earning its star, Troy Kotsur, the Best supporting actor gong, too, and a Latina (Ariana Debose) won Best Supporting Actress. However, all those worthy winners faded into the background when the Best Actor, Will Smith, the star of the Williams sisters’ biopic, King Richard,  decided to indulge himself in the most selfish and entitled way, with his assault on Rock. 

Start of Smith’s apology video

Oscar night 2022 should have been Smith’s crowning glory. He had never won the accolade, despite some notable acting in various films, and on the night he was to be honoured he clearly lost his head, deciding that displaying a kind of macho arrogance and selfishness was much better. A choice that took no account of the prestigious event, or anyone else in the room. Yet, for every nominee, it was their moment, too, and they had to watch helplessly as Smith made it all about himself. Puffed up with false pride and self-righteousness, with one foolish slap, Smith changed his victorious night into a shameful display of masculine toxicity and moral defeat.  

Graffiti of Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars 2022 by Eme Freethinker at Mauerpark in Berlin, Germany. by Singlespeedfahrer . Credit Wikimedia Commons

Fast forward to the present time, when he has been banned for 10 years from the Academy, and Rock has used the moment to his advantage in his shows. Smith has been apologising a lot since that night, the latest being a lengthy video in which he tried to show his sincerity and regret. But Rock will not be engaged, and refuses to even acknowledge it. 

In essence, the value of an apology can be highly overrated, because, unless it is spontaneous and heartfelt, it simply becomes an excuse for excusing, and perpetuating, bad behaviour. Making an apology after an act seems to take the place of restraining one’s self from such actions in the first place.  Yet, only Chris Rock knew how he felt being on the receiving end  of Smith’s humiliating action, which was done for maximum effect in front of a global audience. 

Quite clearly, an apology doesn’t cut it for Rock, or compensate for his hurt and pain. It has little value after the unexpectedly cruel fact.

Should Making Money Be the Measure of Self-Worth? 

Photo by John McArthur

It shouldn’t, really, but there are key factors why it often is.

Money is only ONE way of measuring self-worth. The whole notion of self-worth is not a social barometer. No one outside of you can tell you how much you are worth. You are the only one who can do that through the level of your SELF-ESTEEM and what MATTERS to you.

For example, monks and nuns who devote their lives to God and have forsaken money would value the number of people they can impact and save, rather than the money they might have. In fact, they would see money as useless to them except to maintain their survival. Their self-worth would come from their ability to serve their God in ways that make them feel good.

The same with me. I write to share my knowledge, to link up with positive people who share my inspirational approach, and, above all, to make a difference to others. It means that, no matter how much money I might earn in the process, my self-worth will only be validated TO ME when I see the effect my writing has, the way it is received, and the number of people who might benefit from it.

However, if someone is from a culture where money and wealth are prized highly above everything else, they will grow up believing that their personal worth is based on how much money they make, and that will be their key goal in life. That would matter to them great deal, especially if people like them are also reinforcing similar actions by valuing their money, too. However, in a culture where money is only one way of measuring success, no matter how much money one might have in the end, it won’t matter to those who couldn’t care less about it, which in turn, would do little to enhance their own self-worth.


Should an Employee be Fired Who Always Finishes the Work First Then Dozes at His Desk?

Definitely not. That person is obviously not being stimulated enough physically or intellectually and clearly needs to be either given more tasks, along the same lines, or pushed up a level to train for something else that will be more challenging for him.

The problem with too many workplaces is that they expect everyone to be sheep, going at exactly the same pace, and doing everything in a prescribed manner. There is little room for initiative, innovation, or difference under the stifling culture of conformity. In this type of atmosphere, it is often difficult for mavericks, or people with different ideas and perceptions, to thrive.

Yet workers are not clones of each other. Just because they are in a team does not mean they should all go at exactly the same pace in their work like robots or automatons. This guy is clearly bored, having finished his work, and so does the next best thing to relieve it – take a nap to escape the tedium of his day. The important thing is that he has done his work, exactly as expected, and is giving a huge message about his abilities and expectations by then switching off into his own world. He is pointedly making a statement that if his ability is not going to be recognised, he’s going to do what is directed, and nothing else.

Some people might have asked for more tasks, but he deliberately hasn’t done so as he wants his abilities to be acknowledged and reinforced. There are tons of workers like that who know they can manage more challenging tasks, or new responsibilities, but are not given the opportunities to do so, for whatever reason, and who are essentially voting with their feet. They might be there in body, but any real commitment to what they doing would be missing.

A good manager or team leader DEVELOPS his/her staff so that they are working to their potential and can feel good about their own contribution. A leader does not fire workers who are clearly doing their job and are bored witless with not being challenged or stimulated enough in what they are being assigned. Time to see what would motivate this worker to stop him sleeping by reviewing his progress as necessary and negotiating a new way forward where he can feel valued, occupied and proud of his efforts,

This worker needs to be set regular targets which become more challenging after every completion. In that way he won’t have time to be dozing, and you would also be doing your job as a manager in making the most of his talent, enthusiasm and skills, at his own pace, and increasing his opportunities to grow.

How Do You Coach Someone to Reduce Their Level of Procrastination?

Photo by charlesdeluvio

This is not such an easy task as the procrastinator will always find a handy excuse for their delays. However, you need to start off with the REASONS behind the need to procrastinate. Remedying a particular situation is not really possible until we UNDERSTAND why we do certain things, and how we can alter our mindset and perspective to change those habits.

Procrastination is a sign of unease and temporary discomfort; of the inability to focus on priorities and react to the moment. It suggests something not quite right with what is happening at that time, which encourages the person to take refuge in delays and hesitation.

For example, when we procrastinate, we do it primarily for the following reasons:

  1. We don’t really want to do a task (perhaps it’s very boring, especially if it is repetitive), so there is nothing to look forward to, and we dread having to do it again. Or we put it off for as long as possible so that we don’t have to do it at all in the end.
  2. We don’t like doing the task, which gives us little satisfaction, thrill or excitement. It then induces fear or dread instead of any joy or positivity in doing it.
  3. We are not ready, not qualified, or equipped for it, or we are not sure what we should do with it, so we feel overwhelmed by the thought of getting on with that job, and so delay the start as long as possible.
  4. We are pre-occupied with anxiety around emotional/social/relationship issues that are unresolved and find it difficult to focus. Unless we resolve those issues, we will be distracted by them, which prevents us getting on with things we need to do.
  5. We are pre-occupied with other tasks we believe should be done as well, while avoiding the need to get on with the task at hand.

The most important fact is that when we procrastinate, we are not making any decision to get anything done. Yet without that decision, we won’t have any action, which then gives us no RESULTS. Without routine results to reinforce our talents and competence, and reward our efforts, we won’t feel good about ourselves, or be motivated to do even more with our life. Soon it will gradually start having a knock-on effect on anything we might wish to do.

You would need to look at the reasons above, or to any other pertinent reason, to identify the ones the person might not be aware of, and try to resolve those first in order to motivate then into getting on with what is necessary. It could simply mean that the person is overwhelmed by what they have to do, and feels better procrastinating with the task rather than admitting what the real problem is. Hence why some soul-searching at the very beginning of coaching is extremely important to get to the bottom of their inactivity.

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At What Ideal Age Should You Retire?

Photo by Clay Banks

Retirement is one of those times that some people dread, or actually welcome, depending on their job satisfaction, the state of their emotional and physical health, financial circumstances, and desire for new challenges. In the UK the official retirement age used to be 60 years old for women and 65 years for men. But that is gradually increasing to take account of the growing longevity within the population, and the increasing demands on health care. Retirement now stands at 66 years old for everyone, and at some point will reach 70 years.

Of course, that is the legal time for the benefit of paying pensions, but anyone can retire from their work whenever they wish. There is no ‘ideal age’ to retire at all. In fact, one of the people who has inspired me the most is the owner of a vineyard in France who was still managing her business successfully at 92 years of age! She was a classic example of her determination to live her life the way she wanted, and not according to other people’s fears and diktats. I can see myself being like that if I live long enough to be her age!

As humans, who fear ageing, we love to put ourselves into little age boxes of perfection where different things occur at different ages, especially when it comes to retirement, because work dominates our lives so much. But life is for living every single day we are granted, and the moment you actually retire is entirely down to you! No one can tell you when is a suitable age for your retirement because that depends on five things, in particular, apart from just age:

  1. How you FEEL inside you; whether you still feel energetic, able to work, fired with enthusiasm and wish to continue; or you just feel tired, burnt out and ready to simply relax and enjoy yourself.
  2. Whether you still love what you are doing and wish to continue it as long as possible.
  3. Whether you would like to do something else with your life, perhaps fulfil a long time dream, and wish to make a start on it.
  4. Whether you have enough money to see you through your retirement.
  5. Whether you are fit and healthy, or have any chronic illnesses.

Only you can answer those personal questions, and the answers should clearly reveal whether you are ready for retirement or not! But, as you can see, age is a significant factor only if you are governed by an ageing mindset, as it is the least important of all the listed criteria!

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