PREMIUM: How Do I Get People To Like Me?

Photo by Helena Lopes

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This is a very common question because our greatest wish is to be ACCEPTED, especially for who we are, and our greatest fear is tone REJECTED and excluded because our innate feeling of belonging, and wanting to be included, is very powerful. Some people do have genuine difficulty getting others to like them, while others find it almost effortless.  If you are worried about whether people like you or not, or whether you are lovable or not, you have low self-esteem and place people’s approval of you above your own self-value. Not appreciating yourself, you hope people will like you to compensate for your own  lack of self-love. But the best way to get people to like you is to start with loving YOU. 

How do you feel about yourself at this moment? Do you really like what you see in the mirror? 

We all have the potential to be well liked right there within ourselves. It is just a matter of finding it and acting upon it, which is not that easy to do, because there is no magic way to make them like us. When you love yourself, that self-comfort is obvious to everyone else, which is likely to make them feel more comfortable around you, too. You are able to take people or leave them. You also do not depend on them for your approval, because you feel confident in who you are, regardless of who likes you. 

In fact, there are four sure ways of getting others to like and appreciate us more, and they start with the key one, self-love.

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PREMIUM: Why Falling In Love Is Not So Easy! 

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Most of us secretly hope for that moment of ecstasy when we fall in love, when the heart races faster just at the thought of that chosen person, and we feel we are on cloud nine. Sadly, many people are not likely to experience the bells and whistles attached to falling in love because they lack the key elements that make it possible. 

So, what could some folks be missing which prevents them from reaching that highly-desired goal at any time in their lives? It seems to be four crucial factors, which will be explained in priority order: 

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Podcast of The Day: What Are Some Obvious Signs If I Think My Spouse is Cheating On Me?


Cheating can be pretty devastating for some couples because it tends to shatter the trust, credibility and appreciation within the relationship which seldom recover from external affairs which are discovered because trust is essentially destroyed. This leads to insecurity, resentment and continuous feelings of being unappealing and rejected by the offended party, along with a lot of guilt and negative feelings by the offender.

The couple will limp along with the open secret between them, especially where one party is passive and accepts the situation, with or without conditions. But the offender will seldom change, unless he/she stands to lose a lot. This guarantees a repetition along with a gradual decline in the quality of the interaction and the feelings between them.

But how do you spot the early signs of someone who is being unfaithful? Are they easy to see? Or should you trust your instincts at such time? 

Elaine Sihera talks through the key signs to watch for and how it affects the sexes.

PREMIUM: Starting A New Relationship? Four Key Questions To Ask Yourself At This Time

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It is always an exciting, and also a fearful, time when we are seeking a new date or partner. We are excited by the feeling it gives us, by the possibilities that can reveal themselves and by the potential for finding a true soulmate. However,  that is the time to have the feet firmly planted on the ground so that the heartache is reduced to a minimum by taking some simple preventative steps first. 

Having that special chemistry in all its forms (which is explained below) is crucial to any relationship, and the best way to test its strength is to ask yourself four questions, while your new relationship kicks off. The answers to them will give you a clear indication of where you are both heading, if anywhere! 

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Premium: How Do I Handle Rejection When it Feels So Bad?

Image by Ulrike Leone

Q. Lately I’ve been having depressing thoughts caused by me and my girlfriend splitting up (she dumped me!). We had such a good thing and I just can’t seem to pull myself out of my gloomy state. She’s now got someone else and it drives me insane with jealousy, it really hurts. Another thing that hurts is I’ve been dumped twice this year now. This has destroyed my confidence as both girls went on about how ‘nice’ I am, but still dumped me. 

A. I am sorry to hear how you feel because life is such a precious thing which we have to try to enjoy every single day. It is all we have, not a rehearsal for another life, and you do sound miserable. But you are not alone in your feelings. Many people find it difficult to deal with rejection. They think so low of ourselves, they put their whole life in the hands of one person to get ‘happiness’, and when that is withdrawn, the pain of losing it is too much to bear. However, let’s start with some brutal truths, as I cannot help you with pretence. 

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Premium: How Do I Love Myself When I Feel So Bad?

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

Many people see my constant, happy smile and make instant assumptions about me and my past. However, my childhood was a pretty grim one. In the bad old days, as I call them, I would pass a mirror, momentarily liked what I saw but then suddenly, and inexplicably, would start telling myself that I was ‘crap’, that I ‘hated’ myself and I was ‘pathetic’. 

I had buried my traumas deep inside me, refusing to face them and, slowly, they took their toll in continuous self-loathing and low self-esteem. Gradually, and painfully, I learned that I had to sort out my past, face it and move on, and then begin the slow process of self-love. The wonderful result is clear to see now. Subscribe to get access

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Premium: The Single Biggest Killer of Relationships

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Image by Gerd Altmann

So you see the someone you fancy across the room at an event. You edge nervously towards him/her, wanting to make that crucial impression. You finally make the connection, and feel really happy. You punch the air with joy. A few weeks .. or even years .. later, everything stops in its tracks and you can’t understand it. End of beautiful romance, or marriage.

And what killed it, you wonder?

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Premium: How to Start a Conversation, and Make Friends, With One Simple Thing

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Believe it or not, he most crucial ingredient of any interaction between two people is the other person. Not you.

Often we meet someone who seems really exciting. We begin to chat to them, we take an interest in them, but, somehow, everything falls flat as we slowly realise that we are really getting nowhere fast, despite the best intentions on both sides. The big problem is likely to be the actual conversation. 

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Premium: Dread Speaking to Someone You Like For The First Time? How To Get Past The Fear

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We are all nervous of speaking to strangers, especially those whom we might like or fancy. There is usually some apprehension of how the other person might react: whether they might be wondering about our real motives for contact; whether we are doing the right thing in seeking a friendship with that person and, deep down, a fear of being ignored or rejected by them.

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