Problem Point: Why Do Some Men Cheat? 

Image by Tumisu

Question: Elaine, why do some men cheat when they have a good woman? Are they never satisfied with what they have?

Answer. Obviously, we know that women cheat, too. But as the question refers to men personally, and statistics prove they are the main culprit in this action, they will be dealt with here.

First, people cheat for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it is simply because they can do it, or the opportunity is available. But cheating is done primarily by three types of men: 

a. those with low self-esteem

b. those who are unhappy at home and 

c. those who are afraid of commitment and are seeking ‘fun’.

Low Self Esteem,
Cheating tends to be done by men with mixed, conflicting, or weak values. They are not firm in their commitment or in their identity of themselves, neither are they sure of what they really want in life. They tend to have low self-esteem and a lack of trust in others. No matter how ‘good’ or faithful the partner is, having one woman is seldom enough. In their eyes, there is always someone better outside. Perhaps being deprived of expressive love when they were younger, particularly from their mothers, there is always a doubt in their minds as to how worthy they are to women. Add to that, the competitive nature of their world, where they are always trying to impress their peers, and the usual answer is also to try to impress as many women as they can to uplift their feelings of self-worth, regardless of the quality of life at home. But that merely causes heartache for the chosen women, while reinforcing the men’s low self-esteem as ‘bad’ guys or ‘bastards’ in a never-ending circle.

The serial philanderer is marked by a strong desire to ‘prove’ something, though he is not quite sure what that is. However, it is usually about his virility, control of women, or ability to attract women. Men who go from one woman to another are also the worst at having that done to them, always feeling indignant at their women daring to fancy someone else because that is all part of what they are trying to prove, that they are the best lovers. Yet they are likely to be very poor lovers because it is always about them, no one else, and so they tend to take instead, finding it very difficult to truly give of themselves.

Image by Sam Williams 

Unhappy Men
Married men, and those in long term relationships, cheat mainly because they believe that having a short-term affair will temporarily resolve any problems they have at home and prevent them from ‘hurting’ anyone long term. The fact that their partner is already being hurt by their lack of attention and affection – and being prevented from finding love, too – does not seem to come into the picture. There are three problems with this approach. 

First, it stops the major conflicts in the relationship being acknowledged, explored and addressed. Second, it makes the situation worse because any liaison only proves starkly what is already missing at home, especially sexually. Third, it deliberately ignores the fact that the man is taking his affections elsewhere which begs the question: How does giving one’s self to someone else shows love and affection for the person left at home and, above all, accord her due respect for her love and support?

Finally, men in unhappy relationships stray through a conflict of perception. What their women perceive that men want from them might not be necessarily what those men actually desire, and women seldom seek to find out because they are afraid of the answers! So after the honeymoon period is over, when their heartfelt desires haven’t been fulfilled, spouses soon seek it elsewhere. In the meantime the women who are affected turn on the men and blame them for their ‘bad’ behaviour instead of looking into themselves to see where they have missed a connection and, at worse, getting out of their demoralising situation. 

It is always easier to vilify others because it stops us looking at ourselves, but women aren’t tied to philandering men. They can actually make a life for themselves on their terms by CHOOSING to act differently. Each person is responsible for their lives. It is fear which keeps them stuck while they wait in vain for the men to change.

Fearing Commitment
The next major group of ‘cheating’ men are the ones who fear commitment. They want a ‘secure’ home, with all the trimmings, one they can return to at the end of the day, but they do not like to perceive themselves as ‘married’ or long-term partners, stuck to one person. They like to keep their options open and so they seek ‘fun’, which carries the implication that marriage, or being in a relationship, is ‘serious’ business so one has to get the fun outside! They miss the supreme irony that if they are in a really great relationship, it would be automatic in fun and enjoyment because any relationship is supposed to make them happy. Not make them feel so terrible that they need to have ‘fun’ elsewhere. This category also contains ageing men who are worried about getting older and believe that starting again with someone else, usually someone younger, will give them a new lease of life and make them feel better, while they preserve the status quo at home to ensure the benefits from both sides.

Image by Victoria Model

Women as ‘Victims’
I believe women also condone such cheating by their behaviour in sustaining it through fear of the consequences of their own reaction, and the pay-off they get from having the men with them. Women who put up with such soul-destroying behaviour by constantly ‘forgiving’ the offenders, have no self-love or respect either. They are prepared to forgive for their own benefit, too. There is always some pay-off for doing that, otherwise they would not be living in denial hoping the men will change, when only self-change guarantees real alteration in such situations. 

Many times it is also to ‘punish’ the men for their actions, but they only end up punishing themselves through ongoing bitterness, resentment and pain, while becoming less attractive in the process! Negativity only destroys, it doesn’t build anything. So if your man is a serial philanderer, you really are only hurting yourself and need to get out of there. Everyone is entitled to a second chance. But if he is on his third affair, he has had two chances too many, and will merely continue doing it because your continued acceptance teaches him that he can get away with it.

Women in these situations usually believe that they ‘love’ the men who perpetuate such gross disrespect to them, and they are loved in return. But it has nothing to do with love. Love does not seek to hurt. Love appreciates, is unconditional, and at its heart is respect for the individual. Where there is no respect for a person and their feelings, there is no love. And wherever someone will continually put up with something that is detrimental to him/herself, while they keep blaming another for their predicament, you will find firm evidence of the absence of their own self-love and respect. 

There will also be the deep-seated belief that they do not deserve anything better. They are likely to believe that their man, as ‘bad’ as he is, will be the only one to love them. And so they stay put, trying to ‘love’ their partner, while dying inside from exclusion, hurt and neglect. Yet only they have the power to change their situation by seeing it for what it really is: simple, relentless emotional abuse which will damage them in the end.



Five Reasons Why Marriages Are In Decline

Photo by Ellie Cooper

Going by the latest statistics, marriages are significantly on the decline in the UK. In 1970, there were 480,285 marriages registered. As of 2021, the yearly average has has dropped steadily to 275,000 weddings, annual average, a massive fall of 43% during that time. In fact, the year 2007 produced the lowest marriage rates since they were registered. One writer in the Guardian attributed the gradual fall mainly to a lack of trust in society among people for each other, labelling current marriages as “households built on sand”. That could be one factor, but I doubt if it comes anywhere near the five major factors that are keeping marriages at bay in our technological world. The figures apply mainly to opposite sex relationships.

  1. The first and main reason is that today’s men and women are caught in transition

The old authoritarian order where men were regarded as head of the household and could literally dictate whether a woman was taken or remained a spinster for life has been gradually swept away. Both sexes are now caught in no man’s land rapidly re-writing the rules. Women, in particular, are enjoying new freedoms, able to take care of themselves without needing to marry to do so. They have their own income, their own houses and their own cars, the kind of assets men would boast of when trying to woo a woman. 

Many men now feel inadequate in that respect and are unsure of their approach. Worse still, too many lack confidence in how to interact with women. The goalposts of macho security have long moved and, fearing being rejected by the new independent women, many men prefer to look but lack the courage to make any connection. The result is a lot of lonely people busily skirting around each other, superficially looking keen and eager, but, in the absence of modern protocol, are often scared witless as to how they should proceed with that contact.

  1. The next key factor is a fear of being hurt. 

Men on dating sites even have handles that say ‘Please don’t hurt me!”, which sounds so wimpish and cowardly. One feels the urge to say: We’ve all been hurt, just get over it! But men, in particular, take hurting very badly and many lives are actually determined by that fear of being emotionally scarred. Yet, by focusing on being ‘hurt’, they forget that pleasure comes before any kind of hurt and so they’ll miss out on the pleasure, too. Which is why many of them are increasingly lonely, angry and bitter at the state of their lives. A person living in fear is not a happy one. Fear spells doom and gloom because such people are simply waiting for the next worst thing to happen to them. 

Not surprisingly, it does happen, in a self-fulfilling way, because when we fear we bring that fear into reality through our expectations and a lack of trust. If they believe that the next woman they meet will cheat on them it is only a matter of time before this happens because the way they treat that woman, mainly with suspicion and negative expectations, will soon annoy her off enough to send her into the arms of another. Most men need to recognise that life goes in a balance of pain and pleasure, up and down, good and bad, birth and death, for example. We cannot have one without the other and the quicker we cope with each event and leave it behind, the more effectively we cope with hurting, too.

Photo by Hannah Busing

3. The third problem for modern couples is seeking perfectionism in choice of partners

Most people now will not make do with ‘second best’ in their eyes. Unless their choices are exactly right in every way, fitting the perfect imaginary identikit, they will not marry. She must have certain characteristics, especially being “young, slim and beautiful” and he must be “tall, handsome, solvent/wealthy”, and certainly not bald! Of course, as there would be a premium on these perfect beings, with younger women wanting even younger men, there are a lot of unhappy people whose unrealistic expectations are being ignored. 

Many people foolishly believe that they are actually shopping for an unchanging product when they are seeking a partner, one that comes to order. But human beings are emotionally diverse and are ever changing. Often by focusing on some aspects to the detriment of others, one is likely to miss something else of value that person might bring to the friendship. The only two things that should matter in a connection are the degree of attraction and chemistry between them. Everything else will gradually unfold.

  1. The next major factor is a practical one: fear of divorce costs. 

Marrying is pretty simple to do if one doesn’t desire a big splash. But the divorce can be traumatic because everything has to be shared. When there is bitterness and resentment included as well, that usually mean lawyers – and lawyers cost. That is why many people baulk at weddings. They project themselves further down the line and the sheer thought of the expense of divorce puts all thoughts of marriage in the shade. For some people it is all too much.

  1. Finally, there is the sex factor

In the past, most people, especially women, ‘saved’ themselves for the man of their dreams, and to conform to social and religious protocol of no sex before marriage.  If men wanted sex, they could only get it in being married. Now with freer sex between couples, there is no need for marriage, especially when one puts that together with the desire to have children significantly decreasing or being deferred to a later age. Many men are now having children in their late 40s and early 50s, putting careers firmly in front of families. It means the desire to settle down with someone and to have a family is lessened to a large degree for younger people. Many do not see the point in getting married at all, especially if they believe that they cannot afford to keep a family.

Fifty years ago marriage was the important foundation for society. It validated the family unit, it confirmed procreation, it established men in caring roles and gave security to women who often had no other outlet for their talents. Today, with increasing self-awareness and independence, the reasons for marriage are becoming obsolete, except in religious or traditional spheres. One thing seems certain: so long as people fear being hurt, seek perfect partners and lack the confidence to interact with one another, the decline of marriage will continue until something else, perhaps more convenient, gradually takes its place.


Why Television Shows Gradually Lose Their Appeal

The Crown photo by Ollie Upton/Ollie UptonNetflix – © Netflix 2020, Inc

Not too long ago all the rage was Game of Thrones (HBO) about nine families battling each other for power. You couldn’t get enough if it, with many people even binge-watching episodes. Now the current favourites are The Crown (Netflix), a series of fact mixed with fiction about the British royal family, which has gained even more popularity with the death of Queen Elizabeth II, and House of The Dragon (HBO) – a civil war prequel to Thrones.  No doubt, they too will pass, to be replaced by something regarded as even more exciting and suiting the moment.

Yet, no matter how good the programme, it is inevitable that the best television shows will lose their appeal soon enough for four main reasons:

First, it is difficult for producers and programme makers to sustain the originality and quality of a production due to a natural loss in creativity with prolonged demands. One can think up only so much material around a new theme. Soon, the programme becomes repetitive and lacking in new ideas. That is why so many good programmes do no survive more than two or three series because of the natural law of diminishing returns when too many storylines have to be found.

Paddy Considine and Nova Foueillis-Mosé in House of the Dragon (2022) -Credit IMDb

Second, every TV programme reflects the culture, nuances, ethics, beliefs and social protocol of the time. TV shows largely reflect how people think and behave, what they value and what they prioritise. For example, right now, music reality shows like the X-Factor are the rage. In a few years’ time, something else will take their place when the public gets tired of them. As our values change, and what we seek to entertain us also changes, those programmes will lose their appeal. So, as society changes, so will the programmes on TV, if they are not to appear old fashioned and outdated. They have to move with us and our development. They have to truly reflect our interests for us to want to watch them.

Third is due to natural human evolution. As we evolve, the programmes that were very appealing when we were younger cease to be appealing as we get older because maturity brings a desire for different experiences to match our new state. I used to watch the very popular Australian soap opera, Neighbours, for years when it first came to Britain. It resonated with me as a younger person and reflected life in an escapist way. Then suddenly I stopped watching it ten years ago, without knowing why and haven’t watched it since. Yet it has been updated to reflect current audiences, too, but I simply outgrew it, and it’s no longer there.

Finally, nothing lasts forever. For television to retain its appeal, it has to be innovative, fresh, creative and relevant. If any of those elements are missing, audiences won’t be impressed. No matter how great the programme, it will attract attention just for so long because, in time, it would cease to innovative, cease to be fresh and, above all, cease to be relevant to changing culture and public demands.


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Do People Really Change?


The boxer, Mohammed Ali, once said: “A person who behaves at 50 years old, exactly as he did at 20, would have lost 30 years of his life!” He was trying to illustrate that we have to change to progress our lives, both physically and mentally. But how we deal with change is probably what your question refers to: whether we tend to accept it naturally, or resist it. Hence there are basically two kinds of change: the voluntary change that operates internally, and controls our choices, and the involuntary one that is external to us, affecting our action and lifestyle eventually, regardless of our resistance to it.

Voluntary changes tend to be subtle, and are often accepted because they reflect the choices we make. They are seldom dramatic, because we value security in life, being predictable in our actions, and feeling safe in our choices. Where we have the power to change, it will be gradual according to the benefits we perceive we will get from it, and the extent to which we believe our lives will alter because of it. We tend to feel more in charge of such changes which we can control to suit ourselves.

Involuntary changes are quite different. They are the ones that happen whether we like it or not, like the development of technology etc. If we do not feel comfortable with such changes we will resist them as much as possible, but as those changes tend to be inevitable, we have to accept them in the end, even if we only accept certain aspects of them. In the meantime we will find fault with the change, noticing only the perceived negatives to justify our resistance to it, until it’s success elsewhere through social acceptance makes us look foolish and we gradually acquiesce.

We are all capable of change, if we really want it. But it won’t come without great effort because change is the thing we fear most. We genuinely believe we lose the old us, like favourite suits we have grown accustomed to, or lose the old ways of doing things, which make us feel comfortable. But, fear of losing our old selves is groundless. Only thoughts and actions change, not people (personalities tend to be permanent), and each of us has power over what we think and do. We do change, yes, but only in small, imperceptible shifts which then amount to a whole new experience when viewed over a longer period of time – rather like still frames on a film which become animated when they are run together.

Altogether, we naturally change over time, but as we get older, we tend to become more conservative, afraid of any change that we think might make us feel insecure and anxious, which then makes us appear rigid and set in our ways. However, the bottom line is that we will always change, no matter the innovation, the personal readiness depending mainly on the perceived cost or benefit involved.


Where Is The REAL World?

Photo by Saketh Garuda

How often have you heard the statement, “Welcome to the Real World” or “Get real!”, especially from someone trying to change your view of life?

No matter how well intended to shock, or to show you ‘reality’, there is no such thing as the ‘real world’. The world will always remain how YOU see it, no matter how it is seen by others, until you choose to change it. If you take away all the bricks and mortar which clearly represents our tangible, physical world, there is no other ‘real world’ for us to see. The reason for that is very simple. The only world we have exists inside our head and is determined by our emotions. Nowhere else. We alone make the world we live in, which explains why we each react differently to that world. That is two people will seldom  ever see the same world or experience the same reality. There is a key reason for this and it is called PERCEPTION. What we perceive, we are.

Our individual world comes out of our cultural, gender, race, class, religious and social experience unique to us. If you were raised, for example, as an Amish girl in America, devoid of material things, and you never ever experienced the outside world in any form, your world – what you perceive it to be – will be vastly different from another girl who grew up in Manhattan in the midst of all the latest innovations and technology. That Amish girl, who was used to a life based on hand=me-down simplicity would find it hard to believe that such a technological world exists until it is physically proven to her.

Again, if you grew up under the shadow of Big Ben in London, UK where guns are banned and people cannot use guns to defend themselves, you will actually feel strange, even vulnerable, if you are from America, where guns are allowed and having to live in London without a gun to ‘protect’ you.

Different Beliefs
Thirdly, if you are religious and believe in God, your ‘real world’ would be quite different from that of someone who does not believe in God and cannot be convinced of such. They cannot see what you see unless they genuinely wish to, and change their beliefs to match it. Whatever we are brought up to experience, to value and to cherish, becomes the essential core of the world that we see, which is why it is so difficult to change the hearts and minds of religious fundamentalists, racists, sexists and other fanatics who genuinely believe they are right to impose their version of ‘the truth’, because they have not been exposed to the ‘world’ or ‘truth’ of others.

Our individual perceptions of what the world should be owes nothing to a generalised reality we all share. In fact, we share nothing with anyone else except our humanity. Everything else about us is learned or as Nature intended. All the social and cultural clothing we wear define our world, which is what makes agreement, negotiation or even having a relationship with someone so difficult to do. We are all operating in different worlds which shape our perception, ones that are difficult for others to access.

The bottom line is that you cannot make someone else see your point of view if they have never experienced it before, unless they wish to open their minds and learn more, because it would be alien to them. What you are saying would have no meaning and therefore be irrelevant to their needs.

Next time you are tempted to tell someone “Get Real” or “Welcome to the real world”, meaning yours, just remember that they might look at your ‘real world’ but they cannot enter it. To do so would mean giving up what they value and cherish to accommodate what you cherish. In effect, they would be leaving their own heads to go inside of yours and that is near impossible. They already have a ‘real’ world for themselves, whether we like it or not .. and it’s mainly theirs!


Do You Believe In Marriage Or A Live-In Relationship? 

Photo by Hà Nguyễn

Personally, I think the answer to this question depends on one’s culture and perspective. If you’re from a culture where marriage is seen as very important, and an essential part of family life (for example, in countries where joining two families is less for romance and more for pooling resources or building a dynasty), you would not be able to avoid getting married, otherwise a lot of people would be upset about it. You might even be excluded and rejected going against the norm. But in the 21st century, especially in developed Western countries like the UK and America, where more people are remaining single or living in relationships, it seems that an increasing number of people don’t care about marrying anymore, preferring to live together, and these relationships have both advantages and disadvantages.

For a variety of reasons, more people are forsaking marriages, perhaps because of a lack of commitment, or for the freedom it gives to break apart at any time without worrying about the high cost of divorce. In the UK living together has risen to over 13% over the past decade (23% in the U.S), while marriage has declined. It is not such a stigma anymore to live together, or to have children out of wedlock, so many people – especially younger couples – now please themselves in the kind of home they have. Whatever the reason, it seems to be the trend of the future. But it’s not marriage that causes problems between couples, it’s the possessive attitude and expectations around marriage that surface after the vows are taken.

Personally, I was married for nearly 30 years and enjoyed it to a great degree. I liked the emotional security it gave, the sharing and companionship, and the feeling of belonging without having to keep wondering where the relationship is heading. I have also enjoyed my freedom since leaving the marriage and would probably not get married again, all things considered. But, a part of me believes that when we love someone, unless we are not prepared to show that commitment, whether for one day or 10 years, we should be married, otherwise what is that love really about?

Right now I like my lifestyle as, being a writer, I enjoy solitude to think, so my partner and I choose to live apart, while sharing every possible moment together. It’s not ideal, but the love seems to grow stronger despite eight years shared already. I do not need a marriage certificate to show me that I love my current partner, or vice versa, neither do I need to be married to appreciate the relationship. But if I my partner wanted to get married, I would certainly consider it, because it would be lovely to pledge myself to someone I wanted in my life, for however long it lasts. A marriage also allows friends and family to share in that joyous occasion by declaring our love publicly, and we are all here for each other, not simply to live in a selfish way.

Above all, the public pledge together gives a very strong message about how we feel for each other and the commitment we have. So I think being married would certainly give the edge for me, though I appreciate that the choice of being married or not rests with each individual.

So which one do you prefer?


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Life Lines on Attraction…..from James Allen

Writing these profound words in 1864, well ahead of his time, James Allen  meant that we cannot attract what we are not, otherwise we wouldn’t get on with that person. Simply put, the law of attraction dictates that we will never find what we’re looking for, unless we possess it first!  Soon the person who provides it for us will get tired of just giving and getting nothing in return, which then leads to a perpetual cycle of failed friendships and relationships. 

For example, if you are having problems with people who lie, cheat, etc., unfortunately it starts with you, depending on the emotional and interactive patterns you develop as coping mechanisms to deal with adversity, the expectations you have of others, and your desire for perfection.

If your relationships are not proving as satisfactory as you would like, it could be that you, too, are not genuine, but superficial; you perhaps expect too much of others and then feel let down when they don’t deliver, or you are seeking people to reflect your values instead of just being themselves. Your search for perfection, and the ideal love, is perhaps blinding you to other unsavoury aspects of their personality. 

If you are attracting certain types of people who cause you anxiety, it is likely there is something in you that aligns with those ‘undesirable’ qualities.  So what signals are you giving like a beacon which are a drawing certain types towards you? Unless you know what they are, you will keep getting the same results.

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Global Extremes – The Big Hitters

It seems that in our world, no matter how equitable the desires, by sheer force of numbers some people and countries will always be more equal than others, mainly due to their economic, cultural and political power, acquired through population density and unlimited consumer capacity.

The top 5 countries for high population numbers are:

China 1.43 billion

India 1.42 billion

USA 0.34 billion

Pakistan 0.28 billion

Indonesia 0.24 billion

Ageing is Inevitable, But HOW We Age is Determined By These 3 Factors!

Image by Kelsey Vere

As a Brit, and a keen ageing champion, while taking a holiday in Florida some years ago, I was taken aback by a party of men who were on a competitive sporting trip. They all looked late-40s or early 50s, being very active and energetic. I got talking to one of them about their trip, and he cheerfully admitted that they were all between 70 and 80 years old! I was blown away by this because I had never seen such an active group of people of that age, and it reinforced my own thoughts on how we actually age, especially after I learnt that the age group that fears ageing the most are young 27 year olds!

We all have to age, if we don’t die early. That is a gift. Hence there is only one alternative to ageing, and we either accept that fact, or its deadly consequences. However, how we age is mainly down to our genes and lifestyles. Our biological heritage gives us a foundation, and our lifestyle either enhances, or reduces, it.

It seems there are three main lifestyle elements that hasten our ageing process, and can damage our quality of life.

First, and most important, is the brainwashing people receive, from society and the media, around getting older.

There is nothing positive associated with ageing. Everyone is directly, and indirectly, taught to fear it, mainly because of its connection with ill health, physical degeneration, compulsory retirement, and often exclusion from the wider society. From birth, we soon learn about the negative things we can expect from being older, because of society’s fear of it. Everything is supposed to get worse, droop south, stop working, or just fall off! Not surprisingly, people come to dread getting older and precipitate it in more negative ways through their own attitude. Yet, if we were told we would live forever when we are born, we would have a very different mindset about getting older!

Second, we age through our thoughts first, and our bodies follow those thoughts.

We cannot get a positive life from negative thinking, especially through our negative labels. We need to get rid of that ‘old’ label and think in youthful terms. For example, a guy I spent some time talking with about ageing, kept saying, “You can’t teach an old dog like me new tricks.” Not only did he look much older than his age, but he acted it, too. Whatever he kept saying was gradually becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, because he certainly had a closed mind. If you see yourself as ‘old’ and ‘useless’, or ‘young’ and ‘energetic’, your body will happily oblige through your actions. That is why positive older people tend to be youthful and agile, because they refuse to conform to ready-made age boxes.

Additionally, many of the illnesses we have are induced by the mind. A long time back we started fearing getting older; fearing certain illnesses; telling ourselves that by a certain age some painful things are going to start happening. We focus on them constantly, dreading them daily, instead of on the positive options we have, and the great health we are enjoying. A few years later, our fears fall into place exactly as expected. But by then we would have forgotten the role our negative thoughts played in it; that we brought them into being by our continuous dread of them. 

The powerful mind is what determines our quality of life, because we shape our lives with our thoughts. When we use it to think negatively, negative events are all we are likely to get. For example, every single thing we enjoy in our world today came out of someone else’s thought – like the technology we’re now using. Thanks to someone’s bright idea, we are the beneficiaries of it.

Third, we age through not sufficiently using our brain and other faculties.

Many people, especially when they retire, stop using their brains, memories and problem-solving faculties. They stop dreaming and aspiring, often living completely sedentary and fearful lives, some spending too many days in front of a passive television, rather than interacting with other humans. Of course, the quality of life without regular stimulus and challenges is likely to deteriorate much quicker. As the saying goes, if we don’t use it, we lose it, and the biggest cause of both mental and physical ageing is the way we CHOOSE to live as we get older.

On a personal level, despite being a diabetic with its own complications, I love each new birthday, and give thanks to see it, because it tells me that I am very much alive – otherwise I would be very dead! I have no desire to be younger than I am, because there is nothing I cannot do now that I used to do back then. For example, I used to go disco dancing in my youth, and I am still enjoying the disco regularly too! I might be a bit slower at some physical things, but I am healthy, active, and mobile, and younger people often find it difficult to keep up with my mental agility and prowess. Simple regular and consistent exercise has also given me a body to envy! Altogether, my increased confidence and experience, positive thoughts around my life, high level of activity, and phenomenal knowledge make this an age to truly enjoy, and I have never been happier. In fact, my smile says it all.

In the end, we might age physically, according to our natural years, but it is our thoughts, expectations, and actual activities that determine how much we age in every other respect, and how we actually look.

Are you 40 years old, or 40 years young? The choice could decide the quality of your future.

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How Can I Love Others While Not Allowing Them to Take Advantage of Me?

Photo by Tyler Nix

You learn to say NO, and always be consistent, so that people know where you stand!

Loving and caring for others does not mean you say YES to everything they ask of you, because you cannot please everyone. That will also encourage them to take you for granted because they know you will always act according to their expectations. Additionally, when you say YES all the time, the moment you cannot oblige they will be disappointed, and perhaps upset.

When dealing with people in an environment of mutual respect, you have to establish certain rules with yourself to enjoy those friendships, boundaries that will gradually give you the confidence to be you, while showing them that you care, too.

The main rules should be;

  1. Pleasing yourself first, and being yourself. Those who like you will stay close to you, while those who don’t, will pass you by. Don’t seek their approval, but always try to appreciate and accommodate them.
  2. Be consistent in your actions. Soon everyone will know what to expect and how to treat you. If you keep changing your behaviour for approval, or to be liked, you will lose their respect.
  3. Be sincere and confident in your reactions. You should be equally comfortable saying YES or No without having to explain yourself. Do remember that we all have the right to act how we feel so long as we are not harming others by that action.
  4. Be there for them, but only within your own limits. Otherwise you will set up false expectations you cannot fulfil. For example, if you are ill you would be in no fit state to help another ill person, so recognising your own limitations is important to prevent disappointment and
  5. Try to be empathetic without allowing yourself to lose your perspective. Don’t go overboard in trying to ‘fix’ things for others. They have to learn to take responsibility for their own lives so that they are not completely dependent upon you.
  6. Just be you, and you will attract the kind of people who like your approach. You will also find it easier to be yourself without trying to impress or to fit in.

These simple guides do not provide all the answers but they should help to establish mutual appreciation and respect within your friendships.

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Did You Know…? Fastest & Slowest Growth

The pandemic hasn’t helped matters with any country, and the war in Ukraine has also taken its toll, but Moldova is the fastest growing country in our world, adding a healthy percentage of citizens to its population each year, while Ukraine has not increased its population for a while.

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Did You Know?….The Popularity of Video Games

In 1958, William Higginbotham, of the USA, released a simple game called Tennis for Two, not knowing what it would have led to over 60 years later! Subsequent games up to 1972 focused on space combat, rapidly growing in variety, complexity and popularity since then. Videogames are now among the most favourite of pastimes.

To put the money spent on video games in stark perspective: the population of Madagascar earn just over $30 million dollars per day for the country, while the world spends eight times as much on games!

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