The best quality of life comes from one simple but powerful ingredient: self-love. This one element has a knock-on effect on so many other things like happiness, contentment, positivity, and achievement, to begin with. When we love ourselves, we give permission for others to love us too, to appreciate our strengths and weaknesses, and to enhance that sense of worth and significance we all seek.
Self-love is crucial because it leads to a love of our bodies and talents. It also frees us to stop focusing upon what we lack, while we accept ourselves as the beautiful and wondrous beings we are. When we love ourselves we are likely to nurture our bodies, to be proud of who we are and to nurture others, too, for who they are.
How much do you value and appreciate yourself?
BEFORE YOU GO…..
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Once when I was dating and had a break-up I wrote about it on a dating site and got an interesting email from a guy wanting to know how I can seem so confident and cool in the face of it. As he said, if he “had been with someone for four months, and then had to walk away” he would be “devastated”. I thought I would expand on my response and share it publicly, because it is a very important question, in view of all the recurrent heartbreaks.
This was part of my response:
“I wouldn’t be devastated, because the main reason people get hurt, especially after short relationships, is because they don’t love themselves enough. They expect the other person to love them instead, and end up putting that person above themselves. Sadly, when the person walks away they are even more hurt, because, having no internal source of love, the only source would have left them alone, confirming the low unworthy feelings they already have about themselves.”
I am human, too, and do feel naturally upset after any break-up. However, it doesn’t last for long. As I tend to be very expressive, I am also very trusting. I fall deeply and I love equally passionately, which make me even more vulnerable to being hurt. Yet break-ups hardly affect me emotionally, no matter how much I love the person. It got me thinking why I don’t suffer the usual angst of people who are really hurt by it, and I gradually worked it out.
What most people probably don’t realise is that every relationship has three crucial elements at the heart of it:
Most people go into relationships armed with just the desire to be loved. That’s the easy bit. But what is even more important is to have the other two elements, which are often missing. In fact, the most important aspect of a relationship is SELF-LOVE (which acts as a protective barrier to pain). But loving the self unconditionally, without expecting perfection, is not an easy thing to do after a history of not being valued or affirmed by the people who matter in our lives, like parents and past lovers.
Yet self-love is like having money or riches. If we have no love for ourselves, we cannot give away any either. That date will never be able to do enough for us simply because we will always feel inadequate. The irony is that a love of the self frees us to be more loving and understanding towards another. For example, though I did miss him very much – because we had grown pretty close very quickly, my self love made me smile and remember our awesome moments together, whenever he comes to mind, rather than any anger, recrimination or blame; to also give thanks for what we shared rather than what we might have lost.
Sadly, most relationships consist of two people without any self-love or capacity to love. In effect, there are two TAKERS instead of givers in the relationship, wanting to be loved, and looking after their own corner, while being unable to truly love themselves or each other. It means when the relationship breaks down it would be doubly painful for one person because he/she would have been emotionally dependent on the one who took that love away. That partner would have been living in constant fear of the relationship not working, and would then be pretty shaken when it does break and the love stops.
Loving the self reminds us that we matter the most in any relationship. We are the cake, the other person is the icing, and icing is never mandatory. Icing might go beautifully well with a cake but it is a CHOICE, just like having a date is a choice. It means that once the icing goes, we would have enjoyed it, enhanced that icing with our presence, but, in the end, we stand independently of it, because we are all on our individual journey of life. With that knowledge, we can appreciate ourselves more, and will also have more to GIVE a partner than merely expecting them to give us what we seek. We can take them or leave them, as they are, and, best of all, if they should leave us, our self-love will keep us intact – more aware, confident, positive, much wiser – and better prepared for the next encounter.
BEFORE YOU GO…..
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Most of us secretly hope for that moment of ecstasy when we fall in love, when the heart races faster just at the thought of that chosen person, and we feel we are on cloud nine. Sadly, many people are not likely to experience the bells and whistles attached to falling in love because they lack the key elements that make it possible.
So, what could some folks be missing which prevents them from reaching that highly-desired goal at any time in their lives? It seems to be four crucial factors, which will be explained in priority order:
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It is natural to fear difference until we become familiar with it as we are wired to protect our own. That is why RESPECT starts with the self. If we care about ourselves, we tend not to be so fearful of others because it increases our natural empathy. However, we cannot really respect what we don’t understand, especially if it seems to go against our own values and culture. Hence why there is so much suspicion, mistrust and conflict where there is ignorance and lack of exposure to difference.
Do you tend to feel shy, afraid, and anxious? Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, especially when you have disappointments, or things are not going as expected.
• Do you dislike your reflection when you look in the mirror?
• Always finding fault with yourself, with what you say, and your actions?
• Is there something you would love to do but feel afraid of doing it, because you fear failure and messing it up, which is more overwhelming than the possible gains?
If you don’t feel confident about yourself, achieving your dreams or having great relationships, and could do with a boost in your self-esteem, The Fitness Booster Newsletter is just for you! It complements this blog, and covers a wide range of mental health and emotional health issues, giving useful tips on what to say in tricky circumstances and how to execute routine actions in a confident, winning way.
SUBSCRIBE FREE TODAY on Substack for regular posts and podcasts on improving your self-assurance and feeling more worthy and competent in your activities.
Do you tend to feel shy, afraid, and anxious? Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, especially when you have disappointments, or things are not going as expected.
• Do you dislike your reflection when you look in the mirror?
• Always finding fault with yourself, with what you say, and your actions?
• Is there something you would love to do but feel afraid of doing it, because you fear failure and messing it up, which is more overwhelming than the possible gains?
If you don’t feel confident about yourself, achieving your dreams or having great relationships, and could do with a boost in your self-esteem, The Fitness Booster Newsletter is just for you! It complements this blog, and covers a wide range of mental health and emotional health issues, giving useful tips on what to say in tricky circumstances and how to execute routine actions in a confident, winning way.
SUBSCRIBE FREE TODAY on Substack for regular posts and podcasts on improving your self-assurance and feeling more worthy and competent in your activities.
Do you tend to feel shy, afraid, and anxious? Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, especially when you have disappointments, or things are not going as expected.
• Do you dislike your reflection when you look in the mirror?
• Always finding fault with yourself, with what you say, and your actions?
• Is there something you would love to do but feel afraid of doing it, because you fear failure and messing it up, which is more overwhelming than the possible gains?
If you don’t feel particularly confident about yourself, achieving your dreams or having great relationships, and could do with a boost in your self-esteem and self-value, The Fitness Booster Newsletter is just for you! It complements this blog, and covers a wide range of mental health and emotional health issues, giving useful tips on what to say in tricky circumstances and how to execute routine actions in a confident, winning way.
SUBSCRIBE FREE TODAY on Substack for regular posts and podcasts on improving your self-assurance and feeling more worthy and competent in your activities.
Do you tend to feel shy, afraid, and anxious? Sometimes life can feel overwhelming, especially when you have disappointments, or things are not going as expected.
• Do you dislike your reflection when you look in the mirror?
• Always finding fault with yourself, with what you say, and your actions?
• Is there something you would love to do but feel afraid of doing it, because you fear failure and messing it up, which is more overwhelming than the possible gains?
If you don’t feel particularly confident about yourself, achieving your dreams or having great relationships, and could do with a boost in your self-esteem and self-value, The Fitness Booster Newsletter is just for you! It complements this blog, and covers a wide range of mental health and emotional health issues, giving useful tips on what to say in tricky circumstances and how to execute routine actions in a confident, winning way.
SUBSCRIBE FREE TODAY on Substack for regular posts and podcasts on improving your self-assurance and feeling more worthy and competent in your activities.
When you are seeking a partner, it is easy to believe that the relationship is about you getting along with them, and vice versa. But it isn’t. A relationship starts with how you see yourself: whether worthy or unworthy, because others can only take their cue from you in how they treat you, too.
Loving ourselves builds our self-worth. We are more likely to appreciate the wonderful beings we are and value our presence more when we feel good about us. Self-worth comes through constant gratitude for who we are, being thankful that we even have a life when many others do not, and slowly appreciating our many blessings, despite any perceived faults. By appreciating ourselves daily and routinely, we will realise and accept that the other person is as human as we are, not above or below us, and they can only say NO. But, equally, they could also say ‘yes’!
Lessons in Life Blog 