I’ve Had Five Breakups That Have Shaken My Confidence. I’m Only 25 Years Old. What Next?

Photo by Mark Pan4ratte

Without knowing details of the background situation, any reply can only be in generalised terms which should hopefully be of some value.

If you are 25 with five break ups behind you, when most people would have maybe two or none, you need to be asking yourself certain questions, because the PATTERN of behaviour in this case would be important.

For example,

  • Who is doing the breaking up, you or the dates?
  • What are you (or they) expecting that you’re not getting?
  • Why are your relationships so short-lived?
  • Are you rushing into relationships without really taking time out in between them to examine why each one fell by the wayside?

There is always a reason for a breakup, and unless you identify it, address it, and learn from it, you will be none the wiser for it. Moreover, you will be destined to repeat the same pattern of approach over and over and over. Once you start asking yourself certain straight and honest questions, and answer them truthfully, a pattern of behaviour will emerge for your relationships. If you are the one, for example, who is usually wanting the break, or your partners want the break, it is saying a lot about the non-fulfilment of expectations between you.

Or it could be that you love the thrill of dating, the initial rush of adrenaline in the attention you are getting, then begin to get bored later on when things settle down into a predictable routine, or the date hasn’t lived up to your expectations. Some people like the idea of falling in love, or a potential new romance developing, without the responsibility, or stickability, to allow it to progress for any length of time.

Again, people often go into relationships with a perceived perfect ideal partner, or friendship, expecting too much from the other person. They become disillusioned soon afterwards, and then break it off to continue seeking that elusive perfection, while repeating the same mistakes in the next relationship, and so on, because they are inclined to believe that the fault lies in the people they meet, and not themselves. They avoid examining themselves, and why things did not go plan, and then take he same futile expectations on the next step of their journey with someone else.

Sadly, this just leads to the same results in a never ending journey of hurt and, pain, and reduced trust and confidence.

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The Fitness Booster Motivation Tips: Don’t Miss This Week’s Topics!

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Which Teaches Us More? The Success of Others, or Our Own Failures?

Photo by Zac Durant

We tend to learn from both examples, but the success of others tends to teach us far more about what we, too, could achieve, than our failures. Of course, everyone is unique, and their approach might not suit our personality or objectives.

However, when we have setbacks or failures, unless we learn the lesson they give us, we would be no nearer to improving our approach, expectation or life situation. We would just keep repeating the same mistakes again and again, and getting the same old results.

What the success of others do for us is immediately show us what is possible, especially if that success is associated with people who are culturally like us (whether in age, gender, colour, etc.). It suggests to us that we, too, can make it, especially if we had thought we were excluded and didn’t stand a chance.

For example, in the 40s and 50s America, it was assumed that only White players could play baseball. That assumption prevailed for a long while to justify racism, while the recruitment to the sport continued to mirror the racial stereotype of suitability and success. Enter Jackie Robinson to win the first Rookie of the Year award in a national league (1947), becoming the first outstanding Black player, although Moses “Fleet” Fleetwood Walker was the first African-American to play professional baseball in 1886, changing the White narrative of sports history.

Robinson’s successes inadvertently showed that minorities could play the sport, too. and it led to a stream of Black players after that, mainly because other minorities were influenced by the success of the early role models and wanted to be part of the action. Today the thought of only one colour of player in the game would be unthinkable.

The same with the advance of women. For example, in 1849, Elizabeth Blackwood became the first female doctor in America after being rejected by at least 10 medical schools. The first Black doctor, Rebecca Lee Crumpler, gained her qualification 15 years later, and their successes served to inspire many women into the profession and other fields.

The success of others is always more powerful and encouraging in its effect on us. Failure of any kind shows what we cannot do, while success reinforces what is possible for us, creating new undreamt of opportunities. Hence why success is likely to be a more effective influence on our future actions.

Why Do Some People Like to Ruin Things for Others and Make Them Miserable?

Photo by Brooke Lark

It’s called POWER. This is how such people make themselves feel significant, in control of others, and that they matter.

There are some people who lack self-belief and self esteem and, like bullies, the only way they can feel good about themselves is to make life harder for others, especially picking on those who might be more vulnerable and lacking in courage or confidence. They are often easy prey to that kind of selfish action.

Some people tend to have a belief that if they are not getting what they want, nobody should get theirs, either, hence why they spend their time making life difficult for others by thwarting their opportunities and success. However, you also have a choice as to whether someone can affect you, or not, because bullies will only prey on those they believe are weak and helpless. Perhaps you need to stand up for yourself and show them that you are not there to be manipulated or be made miserable; that they are not important to your progress in life.

As that great American First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt, once said: “No one can make us feel inferior without our permission.” Indeed.

So you might need to let go of the victim mode and develop more confidence in yourself to ignore the negative actions of others by surrounding yourself with people who uplift you, instead of dragging you down. You really can tell the quality of your life, and what you desire for yourself, by the friends you keep.